I've been watching the news and reading the Facebook posts for the last few weeks about Ordain Women. At first I was incredibly heart broken to hear that this woman and man were being threatened with excommunication for rallying for women to be ordained to the priesthood. Not because I think it's right, but because I believe very firmly in their right to question the church and their beliefs.
In my upset state I ended up speaking to my mother-in-law about the situation. I imagined myself in her shoes: a woman who was abused by the men around her, someone that couldn't depend on her male relatives or friends to use their priesthood to help her. I saw a woman who felt the need to have the priesthood used for herself or her family and couldn't get it because the men in her life were failing her. I saw a woman feeling unheard and possibly hurt and/or ignored by the bishop that should have been listening to her and trying to understand her predicament. I saw a woman who was ignored long enough that the only way she could feel understood was to start a website demanding to have women be ordained to the priesthood. Perhaps that really is who this woman is. I can see myself heading that very direction if that sort of situation had happened to me.
I was able to find some peace in that discussion with my mother-in-law when she told me that in an excommunication hearing, half of the people there are appointed to speak for you and to try to see your point of view and argue it as best they can. At least I knew that several people would do their best to try to listen.
But here we are a week later and she has actually been excommunicated.
At this point, reading a bit further into the situation, I've become more frustrated with Kate Kelly than feeling sad. I noticed in an article that instead of going to her excommunication hearing Kate Kelly attended a protest to ordain women. This speaks to me of a woman who doesn't want to hear someone else's opinion. If she can't have what she wants without discussion, she won't even discuss it, but that was just a blip on the radar of frustration.
The biggest thing that frustrated me was the realization that this desire to "equalize" women merely makes it more likely that women will end up doing it all. Being a feminist myself, I often lament that women who work outside the home usually end up doing the majority of the housework and child rearing as well. The balance is starting to become less obvious, but there are a large number of women who end up doing it all while their husbands sit on the couch and watch TV.
Something I believe Kate Kelly may not have realized is that the priesthood is not a gift. It's not like the gift of the Holy Ghost or the light of Christ that brings you blessings just by having it. It's a responsibility and a pretty major one at that. It is the responsibility to get up in the middle of the night when your neighbor is sick to give them a blessing. It's the responsibility to visit the elderly each week and make sure that they receive their Sunday sacrament. It's the responsibility of men to make sure that they are keeping themselves aware of their spirits, the spirits of their families, and the spirits of their congregation in leadership roles.
What it isn't is the ability to say, "This is the law and everyone will hold to what I say." That is something that many scriptures are written about, and that sometimes is still used wrongly attempting to force others.
I read somewhere that one of Ordain Women's reasons for believing that women need the priesthood was that unless they had the priesthood, they would not be able to ensure that women were not abused. Many who know me are aware that I have not had a great marriage. As much as my husband and I have been able to work things out now, I felt abused for a long time. Having felt that and worked with my husband to make a better way, I know very well that if there were real abuse, the abused party wouldn't be able to enforce any lack of abuse.
The idea that the lack of the priesthood is what keeps us from fighting to not be abused is laughable. It is not a tool, and it does not grant power. It does not give women more of a voice. It would merely give them more responsibility, and women do not have a shortage of responsibility in this life.
The real part that makes me sad is this: women, let's say that we take on this responsibility because we believe it's right. This is now one of our spiritual responsibilities. Now what? Can we give one of ours to the men? Well, let's see, what are our spiritual responsibilities? Teach and nurture our families. Perhaps we could give some of that up. Give life to our children and nourish them. That one rests firmly on us. Unless someone's going to figure out how to give a man a working uterus and mammary glands.
So where does that leave us, women? In general that leaves the men of the world with no reason to extend themselves spiritually. It leaves women realizing that it's not getting done and believing that if they don't do it, no one will. It leaves women taking over because they're willing to get things done when men aren't. It leaves women as the sole spiritual need provider. That's what makes me sad.
Women, do you really want to tell your daughts, "If you need something spiritually, it's all up to you. No one will be likely to help you, because you can do it all yourself." Do you really want to tell your sons, "You know what? Your contribution to spiritual matters isn't important. We'll do it for you." Or even, "You're not good enough at your spiritual responsibilities. I'm going to teach your sister to do it instead. And she'll do everything."
I find that fair to neither sex. It isn't fair to the men who are allowed to be lazy and to not grow. It isn't fair to the women whose husbands are allowed to do nothing because "their wife can get it done better than them anyway." God uses our spiritual responsibilities to teach us in our own ways. This separation exists so that one side cannot take on the others responsibilities, and allow one side to languish in spiritual darkness while the other side is abused and overburdened.
Maybe one day a change will need to be made. Maybe there is some real lack of equality that needs to be addressed. Sadly all I see right now is a woman believing that because she can't have the exact same thing as a man, she is somehow relegated to being beneath him. Instead of realizing that by taking on his responsibilities, she is simply relieving him of his own growth possibilities and taking on extra work and effort that none of her sisters should have to bear.
If women are being abused in the church, it is everyone's responsibilities, priesthood bearing man, women or not to make sure that they are being taken care of. Pushing a doctrine in the face that says it aims for that, but doesn't, only causes divisiveness and helps no one. Now the press is all about Kate Kelly and how women can't have one more responsibility they don't need. And there is NOTHING being said about abused women or how to help them.
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