Ordain Women? Sounds like a sad life of loneliness to me.

I've been watching the news and reading the Facebook posts for the last few weeks about Ordain Women.  At first I was incredibly heart broken to hear that this woman and man were being threatened with excommunication for rallying for women to be ordained to the priesthood.  Not because I think it's right, but because I believe very firmly in their right to question the church and their beliefs.

In my upset state I ended up speaking to my mother-in-law about the situation.  I imagined myself in her shoes: a woman who was abused by the men around her, someone that couldn't depend on her male relatives or friends to use their priesthood to help her.  I saw a woman who felt the need to have the priesthood used for herself or her family and couldn't get it because the men in her life were failing her. I saw a woman feeling unheard and possibly hurt and/or ignored by the bishop that should have been listening to her and trying to understand her predicament.  I saw a woman who was ignored long enough that the only way she could feel understood was to start a website demanding to have women be ordained to the priesthood.  Perhaps that really is who this woman is.  I can see myself heading that very direction if that sort of situation had happened to me.

I was able to find some peace in that discussion with my mother-in-law when she told me that in an excommunication hearing, half of the people there are appointed to speak for you and to try to see your point of view and argue it as best they can.  At least I knew that several people would do their best to try to listen.

But here we are a week later and she has actually been excommunicated.

At this point, reading a bit further into the situation, I've become more frustrated with Kate Kelly than feeling sad.  I noticed in an article that instead of going to her excommunication hearing Kate Kelly attended a protest to ordain women.  This speaks to me of a woman who doesn't want to hear someone else's opinion.  If she can't have what she wants without discussion, she won't even discuss it, but that was just a blip on the radar of frustration.

The biggest thing that frustrated me was the realization that this desire to "equalize" women merely makes it more likely that women will end up doing it all.  Being a feminist myself, I often lament that women who work outside the home usually end up doing the majority of the housework and child rearing as well.  The balance is starting to become less obvious, but there are a large number of women who end up doing it all while their husbands sit on the couch and watch TV.

Something I believe Kate Kelly may not have realized is that the priesthood is not a gift.  It's not like the gift of the Holy Ghost or the light of Christ that brings you blessings just by having it.  It's a responsibility and a pretty major one at that.  It is the responsibility to get up in the middle of the night when your neighbor is sick to give them a blessing.  It's the responsibility to visit the elderly each week and make sure that they receive their Sunday sacrament.  It's the responsibility of men to make sure that they are keeping themselves aware of their spirits, the spirits of their families, and the spirits of their congregation in leadership roles.

What it isn't is the ability to say, "This is the law and everyone will hold to what I say."  That is something that many scriptures are written about, and that sometimes is still used wrongly attempting to force others.

I read somewhere that one of Ordain Women's reasons for believing that women need the priesthood was that unless they had the priesthood, they would not be able to ensure that women were not abused.  Many who know me are aware that I have not had a great marriage.  As much as my husband and I have been able to work things out now, I felt abused for a long time.  Having felt that and worked with my husband to make a better way, I know very well that if there were real abuse, the abused party wouldn't be able to enforce any lack of abuse.

The idea that the lack of the priesthood is what keeps us from fighting to not be abused is laughable.  It is not a tool, and it does not grant power.  It does not give women more of a voice.  It would merely give them more responsibility, and women do not have a shortage of responsibility in this life.

The real part that makes me sad is this: women, let's say that we take on this responsibility because we believe it's right.  This is now one of our spiritual responsibilities.  Now what?  Can we give one of ours to the men?  Well, let's see, what are our spiritual responsibilities?  Teach and nurture our families.  Perhaps we could give some of that up.  Give life to our children and nourish them.  That one rests firmly on us.  Unless someone's going to figure out how to give a man a working uterus and mammary glands.

So where does that leave us, women?  In general that leaves the men of the world with no reason to extend themselves spiritually.  It leaves women realizing that it's not getting done and believing that if they don't do it, no one will.  It leaves women taking over because they're willing to get things done when men aren't.  It leaves women as the sole spiritual need provider.  That's what makes me sad.

Women, do you really want to tell your daughts, "If you need something spiritually, it's all up to you.  No one will be likely to help you, because you can do it all yourself."  Do you really want to tell your sons, "You know what?  Your contribution to spiritual matters isn't important.  We'll do it for you."  Or even, "You're not good enough at your spiritual responsibilities.  I'm going to teach your sister to do it instead.  And she'll do everything."

I find that fair to neither sex.  It isn't fair to the men who are allowed to be lazy and to not grow.  It isn't fair to the women whose husbands are allowed to do nothing because "their wife can get it done better than them anyway."  God uses our spiritual responsibilities to teach us in our own ways.  This separation exists so that one side cannot take on the others responsibilities, and allow one side to languish in spiritual darkness while the other side is abused and overburdened.

Maybe one day a change will need to be made.  Maybe there is some real lack of equality that needs to be addressed.  Sadly all I see right now is a woman believing that because she can't have the exact same thing as a man, she is somehow relegated to being beneath him.  Instead of realizing that by taking on his responsibilities, she is simply relieving him of his own growth possibilities and taking on extra work and effort that none of her sisters should have to bear.

If women are being abused in the church, it is everyone's responsibilities, priesthood bearing man, women or not to make sure that they are being taken care of.  Pushing a doctrine in the face that says it aims for that, but doesn't, only causes divisiveness and helps no one.  Now the press is all about Kate Kelly and how women can't have one more responsibility they don't need.  And there is NOTHING being said about abused women or how to help them.

Day 3

1. I'm grateful for rainy days that make the sky such an awesome color and clean up the air.
2. I'm grateful to be working at a place where I might be able to learn some really cool things.
3. I'm grateful that I was able to go and test drive a Mini.

On Saturday, I decided to get a few things done, and since I've wanted to test drive a Mini for a while to confirm if I wanted to buy one, I went to do that on Saturday.  When I walked into the Mini dealership, there was a salesperson right at the front of the store who asked me what I was looking for.  I told him I wanted a test drive, and he said sure.  He had to get some information from me, which he put in his computer, I'm sure to contact me later about the Mini to see if he could pursue a sale, but he was friendly and nice and didn't push me about anything.  He talked to me about the Mini that he owns and he answered my questions about stuff on the website that I was curious about.  He explained that the version of the JCW (John Cooper Works) Mini that he bought has a supercharger instead of the turbocharger that the JCW now has, and I got to ask him about the sport suspension versus the JCW sport suspension.

After that, he grabbed the keys to the Mini and a license plate.  I don't remember what color the car was, but I remember I was really confused by the key, because it doesn't have the traditional metal key portion. It's a key that's mostly just a circle of plastic that you put into a circular opening in the dashboard.  When you want to start the car, you press the start button while holding down the brake.  When I first started driving the car, I kept hitting the brakes too hard because I'm used to the brakes in Dan's truck, which you have to press pretty hard to get a large heavy truck to stop.  The Mini's brakes are pretty sensitive, and it's a small car, so I was making some very jarring stops.  The salesperson then took me through some of the roads in Salt Lake and turned on the sport mode for the car and let me play with the acceleration in the car.  He got me on the freeway and even reminded me to punch it when we were on the on-ramp.  He helped me use the windshield wipers since it was raining and I wasn't familiar enough with the car to do it myself.

I really liked the mood lighting button that he showed me in the car.  You could change the wall lights, as well as the lights in the door handles and a couple of other places to a different color.  I also really liked the blinker settings.  You could set the blinkers to turn on until you completed a turn, or you could set them to blink three times and then turn off.  I really liked how well the acceleration was able to push the car from a stop and how small the car felt.

When we got the car back to the dealership, I was really happy to note that the salesperson wasn't pushy at all.  He just checked to make sure I had all the information that I wanted and needed and sent me on my way.

Day 2
Grateful

1. I'm grateful that Dan makes me laugh now.
2. I'm grateful that Virgil is starting to come out of his kennel without me having to pull him out.
3. I'm grateful that people at work care enough to worry about confusing me with the new person in the office with my same name.

Dan was talking to me on messenger this morning and told me about how he liked it when I used the sarcasm emoticon because he always just wanted me to be coolly dismissive when he was doing something dumb.  I used to get nervous.  I am grateful that I am feeling comfortable enough with him now that I don't even notice the difference.  Things he says can be funny now instead of me taking them seriously and being afraid.

Day 1
I'm trying to start out by following the advice from the Ted talk in my last post.  I'm supposed to write down 3 things I'm grateful for and journal about one positive experience.  The exercise was supposed to be walking the dogs, but we went to the park and had a rough time with Dante, so there wasn't too much exercise involved.  I will be walking the dogs daily, though, so that should help.  Then I need to meditate and do a random act of kindness.  Not necessarily in that order.

1. I'm grateful for Dan listening to my worries about taking Dante to the dog park and having Dante get scared and snappy.
2. I'm grateful that Dan is ok with me finding my own way to (or from) the church without pushing me.
3. I'm grateful that I could stay home and have a nice day with Dan.

I came home from the dog park today and I felt like kind of a failure.  I'm trying to make sure that Dante and Virgil get enough experience with other dogs and people that they'll be able to calm down when we're out and about.  Though I really thought that the park was more for Virgil than for Dante.  Dante seemed to be doing great when we went to the park the past couple of weeks.  He'd run and play with the other dogs and mostly only had a problem when he was on leash or behind a fence, but there were quite a few dogs in the park today and a lot of them were bigger than Dante.  And one particular husky who seemed very pushy.  She got Dante pretty scared and he started snapping at the other dogs and growling.  I got them all separated with help from their owners and we walked around the park some, but then that same husky came back to try to play again and got them all riled up again.  At that point, I decided to leave, but I felt like I had failed because I've been trying to have experiences for Dante where he wasn't scared so that he could calm down in stressful situations.

So I came home and I talked to Dan about it, and he told me that I had done a good job today.  That I had realized that Dante was overwhelmed and got him out of the park so that he could calm down.  At first he told me that he was proud of me, and it made me feel better, but I still had feelings that seemed unresolved.  I kept talking about them and Dan talked about how I didn't let Dante get scared and snappy.  That was when my good feeling that I had gotten from Dan's compliment went away.  But Dan was able to tell that I had gotten scared and he was a very good listener.  I told him that I had allowed Dante to get snappy and I talked about my fears of not being able to help Dante be ok with other dogs and my worry that Dante would always be a lot of work to have around.  He was able to keep from solving like he sometimes does and allowed me to work through my worries.  He also reassured me that even though Dante had gotten snappy, he still thought I had done a good job at the park.  I'm very grateful that he has helped me understand that when you grow, you always make mistakes.  I'm hanging on to the tenuous belief that I am doing the best that could be expected with Dante and Virgil, even though I'm afraid that I'm doing it all wrong sometimes.  I'm grateful that Dan believes in me, even when I'm not sure he should.

I also noticed that Dante and Virgil checked each other to make sure they were ok after the first time the dog pack got riled up. It really warmed my heart to see them acting like a real pack even though Virgil is still plainly too scared of Dante to play with him when we're at home.

Small Changes Ripple Outward
http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html?source=facebook#.T4sJ1Dd7Nrw.facebook

Creating lasting positive change

• 3 Gratitudes (21 days)
• Journaling
• Exercise
• Meditation
• Random acts of kindness (1 positive email)

Journaling or Blogging?

So far I have used this blog space to mostly get out my inner thoughts and exorcise those demons, but a lot of that stuff seems like it could be really bad if published on the internet for anyone to see.  So I decided to revert it all to draft form, but at the same time, I know journaling can be very helpful to the future generations, in limited access form.  So what do I do to keep a journal in cyber space that my future grandchildren might read and be comforted by?  Probably just give in and actually WRITE in a JOURNAL. :D  Probably not going to happen.  I'm sorry, my future generations.  Hopefully you can follow this cryptic trail of gently used email addresses and/or purpose made spam email addresses and see this blog and its hidden drafts in all their unedited cyber glory.

For now, all the angsty stuff that I sometimes have to type out to save my sanity will be saved in drafts around here.  My future progeny shall just have to be computer hackers to access it, I guess.  Or society will have created strange new ways of getting at that information for their new generations.  Whichever.